Memang x dinafikan bila dah ada anak, automatically, both husband and wife will have a different dimention of how’s life being viewed. Ini lah yg buat I want to write. Im writing this, especially for u dear daughter Qaseh Azalia.
Sambung cerita yg semalam.
Starting from that day, ibu......
is feeling miserable inside. Office workload sbb hujung sem need to settle all assessments marks n what not. Studies need when the event is just around the corner n there r so many things needed to b caught up. The need to attend d event if not, Im failing myself n wasted all that I have done for d whole semester. So, end up xde mood. Blk rumah muka moyok. Masak pn mls.
Me myself cannot imagine how failed am I s a mother when I cannot make myself available to watch my daughter’s very 1st convocation. Finally, I ended up…. Nangis. Huhu… what to do somemore. Pergi office, blk, pergi office, blk. Then, I got an idea of making myself happy by making u happy. Masa tengah2 bulan, ni semua parents mmg xde duit dh syg. Same goes to us. Lagi2 ibu yg mmg byk pakai belanja sebab nk kne spent for travel to go to my epjj classes. Tp xpe. when we thought of the kid’s happiness, insyaAllah pasti ada jalan. So, ibu pn jlnlh.
Rakyat jelata rata2 dok buat surprise to their loved 1. Therefore, I’m thinking of the same idea. Planning for a surprised for u on your big day. Duit xdak nih. Tp plan tetap kne jln, by hook or by crook. Siapa blh tolong, ye…??? Then, ibu come across uncle zaim n the gang (my debate team. Mcm ank2 ak dh). So tanyalah. Blh x diorg tolong buat surprised? Nk mintk tolong any of them who can bring my very own version of chocolate bouquet to sjkc Masai d venue for the event. After a few discussion, then uncle zaim agreed to help.
Then, I pushed ayah to send me to econsave. I do my chocolate shopping there. Kinderjoy, kinderbueno, cadburry, Ferrero apa jaklah yg ada. Including my coffee, abislh nearly rm100 kt situ (swiping with closed eyes sbb mmg dh xde cash).ibu really want to make u remember the day. Its ok. Anything will do (imagine if I just hire any surprised planner. mesti lagi mahal....dang!!!) Before that, we went together to ecorm2 shop n do shopping for gifts on my nextday event. Coloring contest at KTMB Bangsar Kuarters. Its my pre-event before our final grand event there. I bought a sofea-d-first basket for the bouquet purposes. Nobody ever wonder anything weird had happen. So my plan safed.
That Friday, ibu need to invigilate final exam. Friday. On public holiday. Stress. X dpt cuti ganti, sbb jg 2 jam je. Stress lg. that morning, I brought all d things that I’ve bought to bilik kain n do my project. Qaseh went to school s usual s u r not following Johor’s public holiday. Ibu manage to finish d decoration but never thought of snapping any pic of its (owh...). we had our lunch s yes, u both sent ibu to work with ayah n ibu asked to stop by uncle zaim’s house b4 that. I managed to pass him d plastic bag (containing d bouquet) without any question from u guys. Haha… n ooppsss ibu tlupa to pass a plastic containing chocolates which were d extra that I thought of giving it to uncle zaim s upah. Its ok then… I still have time.
We went to pasar malam s usual on Friday (which we never done for so long). Buy what is necessary n wanted, then we go home. We had our dinner together. Its about time to leave u gurls. My train is at 12 midninght. Dengan hati yg berbelah bagi, ibu pergi jgk naik tren n x cium pn u gurls sbb xnk both my sweetypies trjaga blk. Dua2 dh tertidolh maknanya sbb kne aircond kereta n dh mmg mlm sgt, kot… hmmm n ibu pn suruh ayah blk je. Xyah la tunggu. Ad je akak kt kaunter tu blh tmankn. Ibu pn mengisi kekosongan mlm tu dgn sambong baca buku #anakanakabah. ( owh sblm htr ibu, we went to uncle zaim’s house again to pass him d remaining chocolate s promises. Pn xde sapa perasan. Hehe… (bila kita buat muka biasa mcm xde pape, maka semua akan jd mcm biasa n xde pape. Kn????)
Esok tu… ibu called early morning to wake u guys up. Ayah ckap, dia dh bgn. Anak2 je blm. So ayah settled himself 1st n start preparing u gurls for qaseh’s big day. G.R.A.D.U.A.T.I.O.N. the second time ibu called, I was already at the venue of my event. I saw the kids. They reminded me of u both sweethearts. How bad am I to not able to b there with u. ibu keep telling my friends that its ur convocation n concert today n I missed it. (so bad….)
When the event started, ibu dh x tgk fon sbb bz menguruskn anak2 yg join d coloring contest. X seronok sgt pn dlm hati sbb buat ank2 org lain gelak, tp tinggalkn ank sendiri pada hari penting. (sedeh). Xpelh. I’ve took it s a challenge to myself. Pasti ada hikmah. Kalau x dpt A, x taulh.
Our event ended around 12 noon. Masa tu dh lega. X sbr nk call tanya how’s ur preparation. I took my phone n watsapp from ayah was already there. U both r wearing that Barbie princess cut gown of course u both look gorgeous on it. Splendid
Uncle zaim texting me to know d time. around 2pm n I told him that u were already ready for the show. Few second later, ayah sent ibu yr video performing cute dancing. Ibu told uncle zaim that u hav performed n he felt so sad that he cannot watched it live. Huhu… he told ibu that he could not manage to get the ‘congratulation’ balloon. Its ok then. ….
Uncle zaim send ibu a pic of u with d bouquet. I was shed with tears. Itu je yg ibu blh buat utk buat qaseh rasa ibu ada n rasa happy. I was already touched when kakak tanya,’ ibu, ibu dtg x concert kakak?’ I said no. I cannot attend it bcz I need to go for my event. Then kakak replied; ’ala…nnt ibu x dpt la tgk kakak dancing.’ Ibu said, ‘sorry. Tp xpe, ayah ad tgkkn. Nnt ayah record n send d video to ibu, k. ibu tgk video je pn xpe.’ N u happily replied. Haa… mcm tu pn blh. Tgk video pn blh.’ How innocent u r kid… (hmmmphh…)
Ibu view d video again in my friends car on my way to cyberjaya. N yes. I cried again.
Sekianlah kisah seorang ibu yang tewas dengan tugas yg menghimpit tanggungjawab antara cinta dan cita-cita.
Semoga terus berusaha untuk menjadi yg lebih baik, Julia. #insyaAllahBoleh
Ada orang melihat perkara ini sebagai perkara kecil aja dlm kehidupan. Tp inilh misi hidup saya. Utk pastikan ank2 rasa khadiran saya dlm hidup mereka. Utk saya ad utk gembirakan anak2 saya. Saya meletakkan ini sebagai satu titik hitam kegagalan saya sebagai seorang ibu. Utk saya buat pengajaran dan sempadan dalam hidup saya agar saya sentiasa mgubah diri menjadi ibu yang lebih baik. Bukan utk siapa2. Tp utk ank2 saya. Cukuplh. Itu mmg sudah memadai utk saya punya matlamat dalam hidup saya. Memberi makna utk jd yg bermakna.
I love u both kids. #qasehazalia #qisyazalia moga membesar jd anak solehah yg berjaya dunia dan akhirat. amin.